Heavy Heart

I don't really know how to start this post or even what I am trying to say so bare with with me as I try to express my feelings.

Yesterday morning a girl I've known since 6th grade was found dead in her apartment and later the person who admitted to killing her turned out to be another guy I knew in middle school and her foster brother.  This has me just at a loss for words.  Although Rachel and I haven't talked much since high school I can't explain how hurt I am by this.  I sat at work all day and tried not to cry but my heart is heavy.  This was a girl who had a beautiful daughter in 2008 and turned her life around and seemed to be doing so well.  Now there will be a little girl who will grow up and probably won't be able to remember her mother's face or voice and she will never know how it feels have a mother who is always there for you.  Last night I sat and I thought about Rachel's family and her closest friends and how heavy their heart must be especially knowing who did this, and I thought to myself if this had been one of my closest friends or my family, is my faith strong enough for me to leave it alone, and also have I matured enough from who I once was to let the law take it course? 

In October The Lord called my "big sister" Joi Warren home and that was one of the toughest funerals I've dealt with, she did so much for so many people and was always there it's just hard to believe that she is gone and its harder to believe it was truly her time to go.  Joi was amazing that's the only way to describe her!  When I was going through some things at Purdue she was always there for me whether it was to jus tpick me up and hang out or help me with laundry she was always there.  A week after her funeral I was praying before I went to bed and I was asking God for strength to handle problems I was going through and also to handle the grieving of Joy passing and I swear I heard a voice say to me "Craig it will be ok" and I don't know if I wanted it to but it sounded like Joi and after that I felt better.


As a Christian man I know it's not my place to understand God's plan or the reason he does things the way he does, but I struggle with wondering why.  I just pray for the families of Rachel Wurster especially her beautiful daughter and of course the family of Joi Warren both of these families lost amazing people.

RIH Rachel Wurster and RIH Joi Warren